I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
