He is an equal opportunity slut.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
