And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
