it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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