The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
