DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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