a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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