oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
