dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I had to cum in my sink.
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