Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
