my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
