My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
