i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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