I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
