I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
