You can't motorboat a personality
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
