Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
