Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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