After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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