It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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