happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need water and some morals
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
