DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
