These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
