Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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