I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
