ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
