I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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