I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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