This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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