you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
