She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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