in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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