How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
