this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
