i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
