I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
