you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
