Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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