Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
