I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
