Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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