it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
