I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
