Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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