next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
