how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
