How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
