Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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