Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
