Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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