my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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