he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
