if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
