It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize