Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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