my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
