Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize