you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
