Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
