Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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