I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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