Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize