Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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