have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
