My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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