You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
