The maid of honor just puked.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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