the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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