It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
