we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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