I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
