new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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