I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
