That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
