it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
