btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The power of my boobs compel you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
