so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
