sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
from now on my penis is your penis
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize