Already got asked if we're dating
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
