Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am one with the molecules
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize