Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
