just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
pray to the hookup gods
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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