so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
