I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
