well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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