based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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