I just found puke in my bra..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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