I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
