It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
