id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize