In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently you make a good broom.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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